The Value of Building Community - By Morgan

      I remember being pregnant and my biggest fear was the potential isolation of being a stay at home mom. I was and am thankful that I am able to spend so much time with my little rugrat, but I knew that my need deep down to connect and do life with other women was going to be raging. I had heard so many people talk about never being able to leave the house once they had a baby and that terrified me. Since becoming a mom I've been learning and navigating the tricky waters of when to venture out into new things for the sake of building a community around me.
     There are days when having a seemingly surface level conversation with another mom at a park or group play date feels kind of meaningless. But, when I look back over the last 16 months all those five-minute conversations with little eye contact because we are all watching our babies (who seem to be trying to constantly kill themselves) add up to real friendships. I have women who I'm doing this WITH. They know me, not just the mom me, but what I'm made of. They appreciate that I love wine and semi homemade cooking. They understand what I'm dealing with and what I'm feeling. I can rant, text and cry with them. And they know my son. They love him.
      I am so thankful for the advice I was given to give myself a break and not try to look perfect or be a perfect mom, but to value community and prioritize making friends in this stage of life. We need each other. I need you and when you need me, I want to be here for you.

-Morgan

Ruthie's Tips for Traveling with a Baby on Board

Ford is 16 months and I've lost count of how many flights he has taken, I am pretty sure it is upwards of 25-30 airplane rides! He was exactly 6.5 weeks old when we took him on his first plane ride to Indianapolis, tagging along with mama to the Influence Conference. Part of me thought we were absolutely nuts for traveling with him so young but then again it seemed like a great time to travel with him when he is still small, cuddling, and will sleep anywhere. I can tell you right now that he was an ANGEL of a traveler....until he turned a year. He became mobile, we stopped nursing, and he stopped sleeping on the go which made things a little difficult. So. This post is to encourage you and give you tips about flying with a BABY... a toddler is a whole different story (I guess my advice for flying with a toddler is don't do it! Kidding..kind of). 

• Bring a carrier! We bring the ergo on every trip and because it allows me both hands for luggage, carry-on's, etc. Luckily rules have changed and you can wear a baby through security as long as you get your hands tested (just takes a minute or so). 

• Bring a copy or phone photo of baby's birth certificate to verify that they are under the age of 2, unless you bought them their own seat. I thought it was silly to have prove my newborn was under 2 but it is protocol. If you get to the airport without it, call your pediatrician and have them send you baby's shot record.
• You are allowed to check carseats, strollers, and pack and plays for free on any airline, even if it costs to check a bag. I recommend the reusable/durable bags for your carseat because they are only covered if they are lost by the airline, not damaged.
• When you are checking in, check with the front desk to see if there is an extra seat on the plane. If so, bring your carseat through security and onto the plane. Baby will sleep so much better! If not, check it so you don't have to deal with it. 
• Bring your stroller through security to gatecheck. Since I always wear Ford through, we use the stroller for our carry ons, diaper bag, laptop bags, etc. This is nice if you have long layovers and want to stroll around the airport. 
• Preboard and sit in the back. Most airlines allow families to board after their highest ranking passengers and if you have the seat of your choice, sit in the back. It is louder in the back so if your baby screams, it is muffled by the plane sounds. You are also closer to the bathrooms.
• Pack extra diapers. If you think your baby will go through 5 diapers, bring 10! You never know if your bags will get stuck or if the altitude will cause extra poops. Be prepared to change diapers in the tiniest of bathrooms too.
• Pack 2-3 extra outfits. A friend of mine packed 2 backup outfits that her sweet baby pooped through and she had to wrap her in a sweater for the rest of the flight. We did end up having 1 blowout on the way there and I was prepared with 4 extra sets. 

Ford was really interested in the couple across from us haha

• Pack warm clothes for baby. Remember airplanes are cold, pack socks, footies, or extra blankets to keep them warm.
• For nursing moms, pack a travel nursing pillow. I have a cheap pillow I got for "free" from here that I keep in the car and decided to bring along with us. This was INCREDIBLY helpful for nursing and also just laying Ford on my lap. 
• Nurse, nurse, nurse. We nursed on take off and landings and in between. Even though we were used to a strict nursing schedule, I let him eat at his own discretion. The suckling helps baby's ears from getting clogged and nursing helps pacify an upset baby. If you don't nurse, bring bottles!
• Bring pacis. Ford didn't take a paci on his own but if you held it in his mouth he will kind of knaw/suck on it and if baby doesn't want to nurse during takeoff/landing, the paci will help their ears. 
• For older babies pack lots and lots of snacks and toys. Offer SMALL amounts of snacks eat each time so it keeps them busy (ex. 1 cheerio at a time). When they get bored of a toy, bring out another. Ford loves going through the airline magazines and playing on the Fisher Price app on our iPad.
• We did not bring a pack and play on our first trip and assumed Ford would sleep in the crib provided by the hotel. Well... those things aren't made for short people. I couldn't reach inside the crib because the rails were too tall. And the crib sheets I brought didn't fit. Ford ended up sleeping in his stroller laid back or his carrier the whole weekend. Just keep this in mind if your baby requires certain sleeping conditions

• Pack your sound machine. We have this one and it is the best thing ever invented. 
• If you feel like you've packed enough, pack a little more. Although we were in a city where we could easily go buy diapers or clothes, I wanted to be stocked and prepared. I brought a sleeve of 75 Costco diapers and we used all but about 20. Pack extra jammies in case of blowouts (but hotel soap DOES get out poop stains!). I am glad I packed an array of outfits because we were expecting cold and it was actually pretty warm.

If you have any additional questions about flying or traveling with babies/toddlers, please let me know! 

"The Deep Dark"- Amanda's Postpartum Depression Story

“The Deep Dark”

That ever-so-quiet popping the monitor makes when it comes on… that’s all that it would take to completely unravel me and send me into a panic attack. The blood would rush to my extremities, my digestive system would start cramping, I’d get the irresistible urge to literally run away from the source of  my panic… my daughter.  

The first couple weeks of Mae’s life we had a very difficult time getting her bilirubin levels to come down, which eventually led to supplementing her with formula in a bottle. Once she had a taste of that plastic nipple she never turned back! She would fight, kick and scream when I tried to nurse her; I never knew an infant could be so strong! Despite multiple lactation consultants and hundreds of dollars of breast-feeding products we had to admit defeat and move to full formula. It crushed me but with time I was able to accept it and even admit that there were benefits to bottle feeding. Unfortunately, that rough first month only got worse when we also had to admit that Mae was colicky and that no amount of gas drops, probiotics, essential oils or formula changes were going to change it. That beautiful baby girl of mine was screaming if she wasn’t eating or sleeping, and in the afternoons she really didn’t want to sleep (more screaming!). Let it be known that Mae was born with a great set of lungs, she never had the demure cry of a newborn. It was full-volume straight out of the womb! Despite all of these challenges I was surviving. I was successfully getting out of the house, my husband was fully supportive, and we were finding a rhythm.

Six weeks to the day after Mae’s birth my period came back. It was a hurtful reminder of the breastfeeding failure, but I didn’t think any more of it. About three days later I lost my appetite and I couldn’t keep food down (or in). Some people might assume they had a virus of some sort, but I knew something else was wrong. I NEVER lose my appetite; I’m a registered dietitian that REALLY enjoys eating. I was also having a harder and harder time pulling myself out of bed each morning, I was completely apathetic to the outside world, and I started having a never-ending sense of dread. Full-blown panic attacks weren’t far behind, even though I didn’t know that’s what they were at the time.  I finally told my husband, mother and sister that I thought I might have postpartum depression (PPD).  I couldn’t help thinking that this was really some weakness in me, that I wasn’t cut out to be a mother and maybe I just didn’t have enough faith in God. I called my OB and I answered a question that I would be asked at least 20 more times throughout the next couple months: do you want to harm your infant or yourself. My answer was no every time. I didn’t want to harm Mae, I just wanted to get away from her. And I didn’t want to die, I just didn’t want to keep living like this.   

Apparently, it is fairly common for PPD to hit at your first postpartum menstrual cycle (check).  It’s also common in women with children who were ill or hospitalized (check), and in women who had a traumatic breastfeeding experience (check). I guess I was just lucky!  I was told that it would take 4-6 weeks for the antidepressant I was prescribed to be at its full effect, and that’s if this antidepressant was the right one for me. I was devastated. I couldn’t imagine living another day feeling this way, much less another six weeks.

My mother had to come back to stay with us for almost a month. I had gotten to the point where I didn’t feel like I could care for Mae alone.  I just crumbled every time she cried (which was basically all of the time.) Just as I would start feeling some relief, I would get hit by another wave of despair. It got harder and harder each time. My husband was acting as mother and father. My mom was having to stay up with my daughter because I couldn’t stop sobbing long enough to comfort her. My sister would talk me off a ledge by phone every day. My friends would come over and sit with me so I didn’t have to be alone. All of these people stayed by my side even though it was hard, even though I was an epic mess to behold. We started not-so-lovingly calling this period “The Deep Dark.”

I started working with a counselor through my church. We talked about strategies for managing the anxiety attacks and how the physiological “fight or flight” response was responsible for all of my weird symptoms.  I wanted, more than anything, for my counselor to tell me that 1) the way I felt was due to PPD and not my new baseline and 2) that I wouldn’t feel this way forever.  Fortunately, my counselor knew that I needed to find peace within the storm, not just get out of it.

I had to believe God’s promises:

He is an anchor to my soul. He will not allow me to be swallowed by the storm: Hebrews 6:19

His yoke is light, I can cast my burden on Him: Matthew 11:28-29

He will sustain me: Psalm 55:22

He will restore, confirm, strengthen and establish me: 1 Peter 5:6-11

God is with me in the darkest of places: Psalm 23:4

NOTHING can separate me from His love: Romans 8:38-39

God provides peace that goes beyond reason: Philippians 4:7

My suffering produces endurance, which produces character, which produces hope: Romans 5: 3-5

His grace is sufficient to pull me through my weakest time. I am made strong through him: 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

And He absolutely kept all of those promises. I was empty and completely helpless but despite all of that insurmountable weakness, I was made stronger. As the longest weeks of my life passed, I survived. I started feeling like myself again at almost exactly six weeks after starting the antidepressant. I will forever shout His praises for delivering me and for restoring my relationship with my beautiful gift from Heaven, Mae. There are still hard days and nights and that is when I have to rely heavily on the tools I learned in counseling and these promises from God.

I want to make it absolutely clear that God used so many tools to carry me through “The Deep Dark”: medication, prayer, counseling, and unconditional support from friends and family.  If you think you might have PPD, please don’t suffer silently. You are not alone and it is ok for you to get help. You and your baby are deeply loved by God and He wants to redeem this suffering and replace your ashes of mourning with garments of praise.

Love you all,

Amanda  

 

Here's a really great website about PPD