I am happy to share my breastfeeding experiences with you- I truly believe God allowed this journey so that I could share and encourage others that experience similar challenges. I do want to say...This is very simply my story. It is not meant to say that if you didn't/don't do the things I did you did it wrong (if you keep reading I'm pretty sure a fair amount of you will think Im a crazy person!) I just didn't meet anyone who had the same story as me while I was going through this. I know they exist- but when this was happening, I talked about this with many people and scoured mom forums to find answers and I just really couldn't find much and I got some pretty negative feedback at times...So I hope this will be helpful to some of you!
I first want to say that if you are working at breastfeeding and it isn't going well and all you are hearing is: 1.) “Its natural- babies were born to do this- your baby is fine just keep nursing.” (My baby was NOT fine and I did need help) OR: 2.) “Your baby is starving you need to give them formula.” Please hear me that there is somewhere in the middle..I was somewhere in the middle. There are lactation consultants that are specially trained to identify and help treat you and your baby’s unique feeding challenges. http://www.ilca.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=3337.
So..Laina was born at 35.5 weeks and weighed 4 lbs 12 oz. She spent a few weeks in the NICU but mostly for apnea and bradycardia- which is serious- but she was a relatively healthy NICU baby. We were able to nurse in the hospital but not for a day or so because she needed IV nutrition and oxygenation and I couldn't stop throwing up. I started pumping (while vomiting) a few hours after my C-section. Laina was able to take it in a syringe the first few days, then in a bottle. We saw an LC in the hospital but how was I supposed to know if she was doing it right? And she was severely jaundiced and kept falling asleep. Like all newborns, she lost weight and got down to around 4 pounds. I was determined to get out of the hospital STAT so we started a rhythm of nursing for about 20-30 minutes then offering her a bottle of breastmilk, then pumping. We did this so we could make sure she gained enough weight. So basically I nursed and pumped every 2-3 hours. We continued this pattern once we were home. By this time I had plenty of milk and I fit in my shirts better than ever haha! Laina had follow-up weight checks and was doing great!
But around week 6 someone suggested that I didn't need to pump and offer the bottles anymore since Laina was nursing. (I don't have many regrets in my life- but following that advice would be one of them). For a few days we just nursed. And my newly colicky baby had somehow gotten more upset and my motherly instinct told me something was wrong..she was hungry. I hadn't pumped in a few days and when I did it was significantly less than what I had been consistently getting.
Laina had a good latch and I knew I could make milk. We had 2 main issues. #1- Laina resisted (dare I say hated) nursing, the cradle position, being held like “a baby” in general. She screamed like I was trying to murder her with my breasts. It took up to 20 minutes to get her to calm down enough to actually eat. Not the most encouraging sound for a new mother to hear, and definitely not the breastfeeding picture I had imagined. #2- She was an apathetic nurser. I still don’t know why. Through this God revealed to me that I can’t control people- no matter how small they are or how well intentioned I am. But she simply didn't transfer milk. Had I not pumped in the NICU I would have thought my supply was the problem- but it was only a problem once I left it up to her to maintain.
We went to a lactation consultant and after 30-40 minutes of nursing Laina had only transferred 12 ml of milk..thats less than half an oz! (she had been drinking close to 3 oz/each bottle). And my milk supply needed help since my baby wasn’t maintaining the supply for me. (I was so tired of reading babies are more effective than pumps...b/c that was not our case)
I took home a scale and we started a new feeding plan: Weigh, nurse, weigh again, calculate the difference from what she needed, then offer a bottle of that amount while I pumped. During the daytime I had to do this totally alone- and my child screamed pretty much constantly and had to be held to sleep so there wasn't really an option to pump later- I had to pump while I gave the bottle. All I can say is: handsfree bra, strategically positioned boppy & wedge pillows, lots or patience & prayer, and Netflix. And I did this 8-10 times a day for 3 months. I rarely went anywhere.. I NEVER left the house without my pump (and my manual pump as an emergency backup and bottles and freezer packs and a travel bottle warmer.) I had anxiety about being away from the scale. So basically I never went anywhere. And like I said, my child was a screamer so no one wanted to hear that anyways. The doctor did monthly weight checks and Laina was once again doing great!
So around 4 months we weaned ME off the scale. But she was still needing bottles according to all my measurements. It was rare that she got “enough” with just nursing. But I was tired of “competing” with the bottles and the LC thought she would do fine at this point. For 2 months we just nursed. It was so great!! I could do stuff, go places, relax- I was so happy! (I still pumped some to maintain supply) Dr. even let us skip a weight check at 5 months. But as we neared 6 months I got that same feeling I had before- something wasnt right. This time it seemed like somehow Laina was smaller but in a different way. I went to the LC and weighed her and she weighed the exact same she weighed 6 weeks before at her 4 month checkup. I called the doctor and they scheduled an appt a few days out. Let me tell you..I force fed that baby. By the time we went to the MD she had gained 4oz and Im convinced most of it was in about 3 days haha!
The doctor wanted to make sure she COULD gain weight but I SO did not want to go through all the every feed weights again. We decided to alternate feedings- 6 a day/ 3 nursing and 3 pumped milk. So a few weeks later at her 6 month visit she weighed 12 pounds 1 oz. (This is getting long...basically it worked but she ended up developing reflux with all the “extra” milk- but thats a different story that pretty much ends with throwing out our nice nursery rug and buying a replacement from Ikea).
Back to pumping, but this time I did it during her naps after I nursed her. It was hard to get enough milk since these were post-feeding pumps so I also pumped in the am before my husband went to work, 3-4 times at night after Laina went to bed, and again around 3 am- I set an alarm to pump then went back to sleep. It was hard- but I was happy to do it- and thankful I was still able to nurse my baby. And my husband was an amazing supporter during all of this. Laina had several nursing strikes..but just as many bottle strikes- commonly at the same time. I would literally make her “soup” with pureed veggies and breastmilk and almost force feed her with a spoon after having to give up trying to nurse or bottle feed that meal for my own sanity.
Around 9 months we transitioned to giving her breastmilk in a cup because I had such a negative association with the bottles. I loved it- no more bottles! Slowly we moved the 3 cups to near mealtimes and it worked really well for us. And I still nursed her- now whenever she wanted in addition to our 3 “scheduled” times. We did this until a year when I started whole milk in the cups and slowly weaned myself from the pump (I was still pumping 6-8 times/day in addition to 3-4 nursing sessions.) A few weeks ago at 14.5 months I stopped pumping and now just nurse Laina in the morning and evening. And I still love it!
I didn’t start to really enjoy nursing until after 9 months but after that it has literally been one of the best experiences of my life. We have had so much fun together, bonded, snuggled- all the stuff people tell you are the positives of nursing...it just took us a while to get there (or at least for me to relax enough to enjoy it once I knew my baby was ok). But Ill tell you one thing- Im so glad I didn't give up and Id do it all over again if I had to just for the last 6 months to now. (except I think instead of bottles Id use a supplemental nursing system). And I couldn't ask for a better parenting partner and best friend than my husband- I couldn't have done any of this without his support or without God’s grace and strength.
Thanks for reading something SO LONG...
But If you want some encouragement, or advice about increasing your milk supply, or have random questions about feeding your baby- please feel free to ask me. I truly have a passion for helping new moms with their breastfeeding journey- who knows- maybe one day I’ll become a lactation consultant! I don't have all the answers but I don't want you to feel alone- you’re not. You’re an LWB momma and we are in this thing together!!
......jessica britnell
Laina asleep on the scale
Learning how to use the cup
Our tiny 6 Month Old
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