"And, after 7 babies, she doesn't have incontinence issues!"
My mom finally had my attention. I don't know about you, but the idea that after I had a baby, I'd be unable to control my bladder was something on my worry list. It ranked lower than actually pushing the baby out but higher than sleepless nights. I had noticed that I never saw grown women jumping on trampolines but I figured they were just no fun. I didn't realize that it was a matter of not wanting to pee on themselves!!
So, what was my mom's secret for saving me from this fate?
A little postpartum practice called "confinement". Confinement is very popular in Asian, Indian and Mexican cultures and basically means the new mommy stays in bed for 30-40 days to rest, heal and adjust to her new baby.
While being in bed that long sounded ridiculous to me, especially in our culture where people brag about how quickly they got back into action, peeing on myself sounded worse. So, after some reading and research, Chris and I agreed that it was worth a try. We committed for 2 weeks, which turned into 4, of me only getting out of bed to use the restroom and bathe.
It.
Was.
HARD!!
At least, it was much harder than I expected.
Sure, having the husband change EVERY diaper...and we used cloth from day 2...that was amazing. So were meals in bed, not cooking or cleaning. I could definitely get used to all of that.
And, I actually napped when baby napped. That's what everyone tells you to do and I was able to do it. With the raging hormones, I don't know how I would have survived without those precious naps.
However, I had to let go of any illusions of control and that was the worst, especially once we past the two week mark. I felt better and I wanted to get on with my life.
I wanted to go downstairs and clean the disaster that Chris allowed our kitchen to become before another visitor saw it. I'm not kidding--it was bad!
I wanted to be in charge of food reheating because, in his sweet attempts to stick to my no microwave ways, Chris had already let two pots burn and started a grease fire in the toaster oven!! :)
I didn't want to be patient while I waited for water refills. All patience was spent on the baby and I didn't want to give any to my husband.
And, I wanted to feel like I was really taking care of my baby, not just some invalid who couldn't do anything herself.
However, I also thought it would be pretty lame to "fail" at resting so I stuck it out.
To celebrate the end of my confinement and our 3 year anniversary, Chris took me on a little date to the Domain. It was my first time out and we didn't want to push it so we just had something to eat and planned to walk around and enjoy the Christmas lights, something we've done many times. By the time we were half-way through, I was done. The combination of my body hurting and being tired didn't bode well for my sweet-intentioned husband and I was nearly in tears when we headed home.
While I wasn't happy to end our date that way, I realized that my body and my desires don't always agree. Even though I wanted to and thought I should be able to do everything like normal, it was good that the confinement forced me to relax, rest and heal. If I hadn't committed to that, I would have been up and at 'em way before I should have been.
While I know 4 weeks of bed-rest isn't in the cards for everyone, rest and taking care of ourselves should be, even long after our bodies have healed from child-birth. Here are some of the ways that I try to find rest now...or at least stay sane.
- Sleep when baby sleeps. This advice is still great, though much harder to follow through on when my body is able and my mind is racing with all the things I need to do, the things I couldn't finish with a crying, whiny or playful, loving little one vying for my attention. While I do need to make sure we're fed and clean, there are some things that can wait until later...this goes for me going to bed at a reasonable time too!
- Snuggles There's something about cuddling up to my man that brings me peace. Whether it's on the couch or in our bed before sleep, when I haven't had this close time of talking and feeling his heartbeat, I get stressed. I'm fortunate that he feels the same and love how just being together like this can calm my crazy...of which I have plenty!
- Turn off technology I have a slightly addictive personality and find that online activities can suck me in and waste my time. Putting my computer upstairs or keeping my phone by the charger are two things that have helped me reclaim my time and sanity. When I'm spending time doing more important things than checking email or the latest conversation on LWB ;) , naps and snuggles and the rest can actually fit into my day, hence the more rest.
- Just Say No This one is hard for me. I've had FOMO before people used too many acronyms. I want to be where the action is. It's not that I don't like staying home because I really do. I just also love people and want to be with them. But, running around, trying to squeeze everything can be stressful for me! Not only is it physically draining but it also takes away from getting other things done. Things that might be less fun but when complete, make me (and my husband) happy...ahem, laundry... So, I've had to force myself to say "no" sometimes, even when that time slot is available.
- Take a Walk It's funny how getting moving can make me feel more rested but it's true--it does! When I'm dragging and it's only 1:00 and nap time couldn't come sooner, sometimes I just pack Jacqueline up in her stroller and head out. It could be 10 minutes or 40; getting my blood pumping in the fresh air seems to help both of us.
- Pray I've always been pretty regular at praying throughout my day but I've been trying to get back into my pre-marriage habit of waking a little earlier than I have to to stretch, talk to God and meditate and mentally prepare for my day. That intentional time of resting in Him helps center my day and my life, giving me energy and strength to make it through whatever the day holds.
I hope some of those suggestions work for you, too, and if you have any tried and true, please share!!
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