For all you mamas with almost one-year-olds or just turned one-year-olds, maybe you can relate to this; maybe not. You will find in my blog posts I tend to ramble. It's the only way I can write and truly express how I'm feeling. So here it is....ramblings of a twim mom:
After the dust settles, and I can finally see a few feet in front of me, I look around and I have 13 month old twin girls who bring joy to my life now more than ever. The first year was HARD. like really really hard. I loved the newborn stage, but I think the hardest for me was 10-12 months. I was plagued with anxiety and borderline depressed. I didn't know how to handle my girls getting older and all the transitions that came with it (whole milk, sippy cups, table foods, no more formula, no more bottles...the list goes on.). Not to mention, trying to plan a 1st birthday party! (Can we just talk about how insane that is to try and plan a 1st birthday with all the stress of Pinterest when you are an emotional wreck?! That's for another blog post.) So. much. stress. So. many. emotions. As their birthday approached I found myself reminiscing about this time last year (my last days of being so insanely huge and ridiculously pregnant). Not knowing I was about to give birth and spend the next weeks juggling being a NICU mom. (There's ANOTHER blog post). And also feeling pretty darn proud of myself for having one whole year of motherhood under my belt without killing anyone. But also, I was sad that the early days were slipping away right before my eyes.
I was so nervous about having toddlers. I don't know anything about them. What do they like? What do they do for fun? Ah! I just want my babies to stay babies!! I know babies. I'm comfortable with babies. So then the day came....their first birthday. they went to bed babies the night before and were going to wake up toddlers... right? wrong! nothing changed...well at least not a toddler transformation! I did notice some subtle changes begin to take place....like this weight being lifted off my shoulders...I can't explain it, but it's like it almost instantly got easier when they turned 1. Maybe it was getting past the birthday party and the holidays that made it seem that way, but I truly think there is something about 13 months that is, well.... blissful! After all the chaos from the first birthday party subsides and you can start to see straight again, you are left with your baby who is more fun and more hilarious than ever before! By this time you should be sleeping more, and feeling actually almost normal again. like a new version of yourself. You've started feeling like a pro at managing the chaos, unorganized diaper bags, multi-tasking with one hand, and having your home look more like a daycare than a Pottery Barn catalog. You actually even start to find joy in it....maybe.
And, it is at this point you start to forget. You forget how FREAKING hard it is being a new mom....running on absolutely no sleep, experiencing crazy emotions you didn't even know existed, spending your life feeding, pumping, swaying, bouncing, WHATEVER worked...then repeat. The three hour rotation that was your life for so long is now gone and forgotten. And you look at your baby and think "you are so cute...I think I want another one!" WHAT?! After all you just went through to get to this point...you want to do it again!? It's craziness! But I think that is how God designed it. He gives you grace by allowing you to forget. If he didn't we all know there would be no such thing as siblings! Because see, the first year is hard as hell, but after the dust settled you are left with something more amazing than you ever thought possible. Your baby... at 13 months.
DISCLAIMERS:
*Now, I'm not saying I want more babies right now. I am actually pretty content feeling like I have some sort of control restored in my life. However, that isn't out of the realm of possibility anymore.
*And, I'm not saying that this 13 month bliss thing applies to everyone. I'm sure many of you reading this might want to throw daggers at me right now, because your 13 months is anything but blissful. ....
*And, lastly, I'm not saying that it's not still hard, because God knows it is! In fact, right affter I wrote this, one of my babies was up all night screaming...like possessed screaming....all. night. long. The struggle is real, yall! This mom thing is the hardest gig I have ever and will ever do. But the joy is real, too. And these days I'm finding more tears of joy than hardship. Whether this happens for you at 13 months, 15 months, or 18 months (or years), it will...You will feel lighter on your feet...you will start to regain interest in things you did pre-baby (whether you have time to actually do them or not)...You will start to forget the early days...and you might just feel inclined to set out to conquer it all over again.
No comments:
Post a Comment