Babies (toddlers, people) come in all shapes and sizes. And no shape, size, personality is the best one or the right one. But some how as a new mom its hard to really live this out sometimes. I want to talk about comparing kids..which leads to comparing yourself as a mom and as a person in general. My personal opinion is that I don’t think comparing has to always be a bad thing but there are definitely thoughts and attitudes related to this than can be dangerous.
Each kid is going to talk, walk, run, thrive at their own pace and most likely that is perfectly normal for them and there isn't a ton you can do to change their natural “timeline”. (disclaimer: if you are truly concerned about your child having trouble or not meeting a milestone please don't just talk to your mom friends- talk to your pediatrician. Well checks are in place at scheduled intervals for a reason. You kid may not be doing everything the day of your appointment but these visits are designed to catch things before they are big issues.) And please tell me I am not the only person who’s baby wasn't doing a specific “milestone” etc and the doctor talks at length about this only for her to turn around and do said thing hours later and then do it on repeat for days!! ...Babies will be babies.
Comparing kids and ourselves can lead to a few negative results: We judge others for not doing something the way we are doing it, we judge ourselves for not being good enough compared to other moms, or the worst- we judge our kids for not keeping up with their peers. The bottom line- we need stop being so judgmental. (and so concerned with what others think!!)
But I do believe that comparing our kids can have some positive outcomes too. However, I think this works best in a situation with friends and loved ones that we trust and have a healthy relationship with, one where we genuinely love all the kids involved and want to see them grow, thrive, and succeed. This means a relationship without judgement (of ourselves, other moms, or any of the kids).
One of my favorite kid comparisons is my daughter Laina and her friend April. We met when the girls were 2.5 months (Laina) and 4 months (April). I love to see them play and grow together but they have had very different strengths. Laina spent the better part of her first year screaming and pushing the limits with her motor skills and April is a super sweet linguist genius! Laina started walking when she was 10-11 months old and April didn't crawl until after she was year. Laina could only say a handful of words after a year of life and April could say (pretty clearly) 25+ words on her first birthday. As their second year continues they are growing closer together in these skills and like most things with kids I'm sure they will even it all out pretty soon. But even for naps- there were times before Laina’s 1st birthday that she hadn't taken a nap in weeks (she thankfully now takes a 45-60 minute nap most days) and April took 2 naps that totaled over 3 hours into her 18th month.
But one thing is for sure- they are super adorable together and they love being friends. Who knew watching your baby build friendships would be so amazing! And another thing I know- I have learned more from watching April and her mom Kourtney than I could reading any how-to baby book. Its actually beneficial to compare our girls. Because they have different strengths I see Kourtney and April doing/working on things that never even occurred to me. Countless times I have not given my daughter enough credit to teach her something but then I see April doing it and think “wow, I never would have thought to do that, or assumed she wasn't capable”. But its honestly not in a judgmental way- its with a broaden my horizons mindset. And I know the same is true for Kourtney watching us. The girls learn so much from each other and I know this is a great thing. One day they were playing and Laina was nourishing her obsession to push things around (shopping cart etc). So I brought out another push toy for April and she was hooked too. Kourtney said that was the first time she really pushed anything and when they went home she started pushing everything around- whether it was a push toy or not. Its wasn't something that she naturally wanted to do but she was totally capable once she realized it was an option.
I guess my point is that we need to stop comparing ourselves and our kids to make sure we are keeping up, and instead start seeing that our kids are all different and this is good. We can learn from other mamas instead of judging each other. Being honest with our friends about our fears, struggles, and insecurities can lead to bonds that aren't easily broken and we can build partnerships for this parenting journey! You are doing a great job- even if you aren't doing it exactly the same as someone else.
....jessica britnell
....jessica britnell
Tea Party Time
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